I had an amazing birth experience. I know there are many mothers who probably feel the same way but I also know there are many who have regrets or who were not happy with some aspect of their birthing days. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing. My husband, David, and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl on October 29th 2003. We named her Kaia Rose, ‘rose of the earth’. When I hold her in my arms I am in awe. I can hardly believe that this perfect being grew inside me for 9 months. I was so excited to meet my baby that I was having dreams that a little face was pressed against the inside of my belly trying to peer out at me. I knew when my baby was about to be active or change positions and at times when my baby had been sleeping and I needed to know that she was there I would ask her to move or give me a sign that she was OK and she would change her position and I would feel a little flutter of an arm or hand or foot tickle me from the womb. I wanted my husband to experience these things in his own way and I would constantly be telling him when I felt a movement or what I had dreamed. During the night our baby would kick him as we lay side by side and occasionally he would have a dream about our baby too. As most pregnant women do, I would rub my belly unconsciously and send loving thoughts to her and my heart would skip a beat when I thought of the upcoming birthing day. David and I had prepared for many weeks and I was ready. Now I had to wait until our baby was ready.
My preparation began with reading but I yearned to learn more from other mothers so I quizzed my mum about her births and I quizzed David’s mum and I attentively listened to the birth stories of the women I came into contact with at my workplace. I am a Paediatric nurse and I heard many happy and many sad stories. I found myself crying with a few mothers over their births and the fate of their children and I made a mental checklist of all the things I wanted to avoid during my labour. When I was 29 weeks pregnant I flew to Byron Bay to attend a pregnancy retreat. We had been to Byron in my first trimester and had come across a holistic shop called Natures Child. The owner of the shop was one of the coordinators for the retreat and I picked up a brochure and said to Dave, “this would be perfect, I’d really like to do this!” Dave agreed that it would be great but he felt sad that there wasn’t one established for couples as yet. This retreat gave me confidence and opened my eyes to the type of labour I could have. Not only were our bodies pampered on this retreat but also our minds were expanded and we formed strong bonds with the other women. We cried and laughed together as we discussed our hopes and fears and circumstances. We left the retreat as empowered women who would be making clear choices and decisions about their births and bodies. I made my birth plan shortly after returning to Sydney. I wanted a natural active labour and birth with as little intervention as possible. I had chosen to have our baby in the Birthing Center at the Royal North Shore Hospital and I was under the care of the team midwives. David was to be my support person along with the midwife scheduled to work that day.
My due dates passed slowly. I did everything I could to encourage Kaia to make an appearance. I tried acupuncture, massage, visualisation, Chinese herbs, eating spicy food, watching action movies, making love at least once a day, walking long distances everyday, nipple stimulation, talking to my baby and still no movement at the station! I wasn’t holding on to any fears and I was concentrating on my visualisations and imagining my cervix as a ripe mango. The midwives at the hospital had to follow their protocol so I had an appointment with the registrar and they said that I had to be induced if the baby didn’t come before the 27th. We negotiated for more time and the date was set for the 29th at 7.30am. This was hard. I hadn’t thought about what I would do if it came to induction. We made it very clear that we wanted the least intervention possible. The team understood and said that my waters could be ruptured in the birth center but if I “failed to progress” I would need a drip with syntocin and I would have to be transferred to the delivery ward. I tried to block this out, I was confidant that I would progress and that there would be no need for artificial hormones. The hospital terminology could have been confronting but I focused on my birth plan and discussed the cascade of intervention with Dave and all the things we wanted to avoid. In my mind I focused on surrendering to the birth, trusting that I would have the birth I was meant to have.
On the 29th Dave and I arrived at the Birthing Center and met our midwife, Karen, and a trainee midwife, Katrina. We knew Karen from our clinic visits and I was really pleased to see that she was assigned to us. The doctor ruptured my membranes just after 9am. I was a little nervous, this was the point of no return but I was eager to get things moving. It wasn’t long until strong Braxton Hicks type contractions began. I was still moving around easily and talking to Dave. At Karen’s suggestion we took a walk. We walked around the cemetery that we could see from our window. This was a great place to walk because no one was around and I could be as slow as I liked and there weren’t any distractions, just flowers, headstones and us! The contractions intensified quickly. We couldn’t time them because they were quite erratic. Some were stronger than others. Within an hour I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything but the contractions and my breathing. The pain was increasing – it was like intense period pain, mostly in my lower back and my lower abdomen. When the amniotic fluid began to drip down my legs I decided it was time to return to our room. The return trip was slow. I took baby steps through the gardens and car park and finally up the stairs (I wasn’t going to wait for the lift!) to the birthing center. Karen met us as we returned to the ward and asked us how we were getting along. Dave gave Karen the rundown when we got back to our room and she remained with us quietly observing us through my contractions. I was using visualisation and breathing techniques I had learned in yoga. There wasn’t a break between contractions, the pain never subsided, it just decreased slightly in intensity. Due to this I was unable to find a comfortable resting position. Squatting and sitting were out of the question as these positions resulted in very intense contractions. I kept thinking, ‘isn’t there supposed to be a break between them, I thought there wouldn’t be this much discomfort between them’. I spent most of the next hour leaning over the bed, swaying my hips and bending my knees in a rhythmic motion. Karen brought in a beanbag and mat for the floor. This was great because I could lean forward during contractions and then rest back on my legs afterwards. Dave was giving me sips of water and lemon cordial to help maintain my hydration. I was quite nauseated and I couldn’t fathom the thought of food. Dave also tried to use my essential oils, I had been particularly fond of citrus smells during the last few weeks but now the smell of lime from across the room turned my stomach and I threw the scented tissue away from me. He tried to massage my lower back between contractions but because they were so erratic and we couldn’t predict when the next one would come I did not find this very useful. Heat helped a little but I couldn’t stand anything on me during the contractions so again this didn’t help very much.
At 1pm Karen needed me to transfer to the bed for the progress check. This was crunch time – if my cervix wasn’t 5cm dilated the medical team would want to speed things along. I barely thought about this, however, I had surrendered to the birth, whatever was going to happen would happen and Dave and I would work together. Transferring to the bed was easy enough but lying on my back was nearly impossible. It took 3 attempts to finally lay flat. I kept having contractions with double peaks, back to back. After 3 of these contractions I said, “Ok let’s do it now” and Karen performed a speedy check and said, “You’re a lucky girl, you’re 5cm!” With relief I rolled onto all fours for the next contraction and then returned to the beanbag and mat. Karen left to call the obstetrics registrar to let her know of my progress. Dave asked me if I would like to try the bath. I had been very keen to get in the bath on our tour of the center a couple of months ago but right now I didn’t know what I wanted. Looking back I think all I wanted was to be told what to do. I trusted my birth support team; the last thing I wanted to do was make a decision. When Karen returned and suggested I try a bath as well, I agreed. It took me about 10 minutes to reach the tub. As soon as I stood up I had a contraction, it seemed that as soon as one stopped I would have another and another and another. Karen felt my abdomen and said my uterus was strong and that I was having very effective contractions. I mumbled something in reply and thought, ‘they certainly feel effective to me, all that raspberry leaf tea is paying off.’ Finally I was kneeling in the tub. The water felt divine but I was concerned that if I reclined in the tub the contractions would be even more intense. With encouragement from Dave, Karen and Katrina I lay back in the tub and rested against the bath pillow. This was bliss. Miraculously, the pain between my expansions completely subsided and I was able to completely relax and save my energy for the next one. My eyes were closed. Opening them was out of the question. I was in the zone – concentrating on my breathing and visualisations. With each expansion I imagined climbing a steep slope up a mountain and then reaching a plateau before climbing the next slope. Occasionally I would falter and lose my concentration and I had to pull myself back into the rhythm. I was using my voice now; it helped to let out a moan as I exhaled as slowly as I could. Dave was behind me outside the tub and Karen was beside me. I was aware of their encouraging words and the mantras I had told Dave to say for me: “you are doing what your body was made to do, every contraction brings you closer to seeing our baby” and “ many women have done this, everything is happening just like it should happen”. I found these very comforting.
I had been in the bath for about 30 minutes when my breathing changed, I felt like I had to push. Karen checked me again and said, “I think it’s time to get out now”. I obeyed and I returned to the bean bag and mat and began pushing as Karen prepared the room. Two other midwives joined us. Karen introduced them but all they could see was a bare bum swaying around on the ground, I didn’t care but I did find it rather amusing that I didn’t care! A birthing stool was brought in and I was helped onto it. My eyes were still closed most of the time but I was aware of Dave beside me. The girls were checking the fetal heart rate after every push and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. I could hear the anxiety in their voices when they could no longer pick up the heart beat and I pushed with all my strength. Dave was waiting to catch the head and with a few more pushes he was holding our baby’s head and with Karen guiding the shoulders out, I heard a brief cry and he lifted our baby onto my chest. Aaaaah the warm soft slippery feeling of her body sliding out was wonderful relief. Our baby was on my chest quietly gazing up at us with wide dark blue eyes. I helped her find my breast and she latched on after a couple of attempts. After a few minutes I asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?” None of us had looked. Karen lifted up the towel to let us see for ourselves,” it’s a girl!” What joy! “Dave, shall we call her Kaia Rose?” I asked. He replied, “ Kaia Rose? All right, hello Kaia Rose.”
The placenta was expelled after I was given an injection. I preferred not to have it but Karen seemed concerned that I might bleed too much without it. At this point I didn’t care anymore. Dave cut the cord while I nursed and after a few pushes I felt another warm and slippery gush as the placenta was delivered. It was packed into a bag for us to take home and plant.
We were given a few minutes alone while the staff left the room to call the doctor. I was going to need a few stitches. We looked at each other and we both gazed at Kaia in awe. Her nose was a bit squished to the right and her head was a bit cone-like but she was perfect.
Kaia was weighed and measured while I was stitched up. I was quite shivery and felt cold so I asked for more warm blankets. I had been so hot before and now my bundle of warmth was with Dave!
The next hour sped by as I had the best shower of my life and sucked on lifesavers. I was on the biggest high I had ever experienced. We were transferred to a room on the postpartum floor and all climbed onto the bed. While Dave and Kaia napped I watched them and felt the most intense feelings of love for my family. I was too excited to sleep and I began to replay the birth in my mind. We lay like that for a few hours; we were a family.
I am still amazed at what my body can do. For 9 months it was home to a growing baby, nurturing and holding it, stretching and absorbing the movements from within. My uterus demonstrated its strength and power. Now my body is slowly receding closer to its pre pregnant form. I know I will never be the same as I was before Kaia and yet I do not want to be as I was before. I have gone through not only a physical and physiological change but also an intensely emotional and psychological one. As I move through this postpartum period I find that my love for my family grows more with each passing week. I am the mother bear who will protect her children under every circumstance but I also have a partner who walks beside me and we support each other in our new roles while trying to preserve and strengthen our relationship. I embrace motherhood as I try to keep my mind open to all that our little one will teach me.
Alyssa Rainier
